Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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