i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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