so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
