The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize