Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
