Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I need moral support for this bender
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
