This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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