Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
