we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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