I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We need to get me chipped asap
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize