Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
