can we get nightvision for the apartment?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
