i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
MIDGETS
????
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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