you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
