Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
