i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
