On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
