You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
