just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
