Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize