Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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