Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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