And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
