fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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