Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
