Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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