I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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