So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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