I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
