after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
