i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize