Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
