All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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