Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
