is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
