Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My vagina is officially offended.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
