Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I deserve this hangover.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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