He asked to "fluff my boner.."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
