Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
