I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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