1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Congratulations! We have a period
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