i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
