There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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