i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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