I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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