oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
