gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
