Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
