I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
