just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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