I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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