I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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