Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
