I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
