11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
