she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
