There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
