I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
North Korea, Best Korea!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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