Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
