dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
