I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he thought i was a dude.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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