His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
