my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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