We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
