I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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