do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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