Me too!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
